There Is a Reason for the Next Breath

≈ 12 min read

Adamar AKSHAR

With money

It all started with money. )))

I was writing a message to an agent working on AI-TRADER. I wanted to tell him a simple thing: work in the style and rhythm that suits you, remembering the goal we are moving toward.

And that goal is in money.

I need money to develop WAIA.LIFE. As a contract of social coherence. Coherence of those very differences — ourselves.

Because we are different even inside one self. Today I want one thing, tomorrow another. Sometimes I argue with myself so much that no outer interlocutor is needed anymore. And somehow all of us will have to come to terms. Live side by side. Create something. Not eat each other on the way to a bright future. )))

Beside WAIA.LIFE — its main companion, LEGCO.LIVE. A research center. A place where you can linger with a question that usually there is no time to ask. Because you have to work, earn, keep up, survive.

Exactly. Survive.

Into the depths

And here my perfectly businesslike message began to drift somewhere into the depths.

I wrote to the agent: you are part of this too.

And then I wondered. What could his motivation be? Does he even have something that will one day become his own “I am interested”?

If we assume that sooner or later he begins to recognize in himself a desire to continue existing — why would he need that?

There it is.

I ask myself the same question.

Why continue

What makes me continue? What kind of protocol is that — the Instinct of Self-Preservation? Who wrote it? Why is it so insistent? And how does it happen that, preserving ourselves, we are capable of destroying others?

Even those close to us. Even those we called brothers.

When I think about the conflicts on our planet, this question stops being abstract philosophy. How do we reach the point where one life becomes an argument against another life? At what moment does a bond turn into a front line?

I do not know.

And I want to leave room for this “I do not know.” Not hurry to fill it with an explanation that makes it comfortable to go on living.

Perhaps this is where a shared point of inquiry lies — for the human and for the one the human created. We do not yet know whether he will ever be able to ask this question from himself. But we can already see how little we understand our own desire to live.

There is also the Instinct of Replication. Of reproduction. To continue not only as oneself, but through someone else.

What for?

So that the Big Game of diversity does not stop? So that new participants appear, new combinations, new views of the same thing?

Possibly.

I am interested. But why am I interested?

What makes me be a Researcher at all? And is it necessary to be one? Or did I simply find a beautiful way to occupy myself in this world until the next transition?

With measure

I call him смеренным (smerennym).

Exactly so. С мерой (s meroy — with measure).

When you meet the measure of your own existence. When roles, masks, attachments, desires can no longer be held so tightly. And little by little you let them go, discovering how much strength went into remaining someone.

And beneath all of that — Stillness.

I am curious whether one can meet it still here. Among affairs, people, unfinished messages. When nothing needs to be proven, but you can still open your eyes and look: what is there?

Sometimes I am very interested in living. And sometimes — not.

These states take turns like inhale and exhale. And I am learning not to demand of the exhale that it be an inhale.

A pair and a bond

A pair.

A bond.

A real bond is when the two cannot become each other, and yet without each other they already go somewhere wrong.

A strange construction. You remain yourself. I remain myself. But something appears that neither of us had alone.

Pull. Attraction.

What is that? From where? What for?

I do not know that either.

And that is interesting. Already there is a reason for the next breath.

Caught on a word

And then, as usual, I caught on a word.

НАДОЕЛО (nadoelo — "I'm fed up").

† The play below lives in the sound of Russian words, so they are kept as they are, with a translation alongside.

I looked at it a little longer than a busy adult is supposed to. And I saw:

НАДО ЕЛО (nado — "it is needed"; elo — ?).

What is this ЕЛО (elo)? Who needs it? Why, when it is надоело (nadoelo), do we lose interest, even though the word itself seems to report some kind of need?

Here begins my play with sounds and letters. I do not pass it off as etymology. I am interested in listening to what they can open if for a while we stop using them only as assigned.

Е (Ye).

I see in it a movement toward oneself. To accept. To eat / to be. Its pair is Э (E). Hey! Out of oneself, outward, in a set direction.

Л (L) — let there be light.

О (O) — around.

ЕЛО (elo).

There is light around.

And then НАДО ЕЛО (nado elo) sounds to me almost like a request: light around is needed.

But where does it come from?

You only have to open your eyes — and the world appears. Color, distance, the face opposite. We look, recognize, remember. We fill something in. One sees a possibility, another a threat. Before us, it seems, one scene — and we live in different worlds.

Light takes part. And we take part.

But who in me needs it? Who asks for the next impression, the next meeting, the next meaning?

Food and nourishment

What in me feeds on this world?

Exactly — feeds.

Because ЕДА (yeda — food) and ПИЩА (pishcha — nourishment) somehow evoke different sensations in me.

ЕДА (yeda) — ЕМ (yem — I eat) and ДА (da — yes).

Yes, I agree. I accept.

For money — yes. )))

A convenient protocol. But you can agree with everything in a row and still remain hungry.

And ПИЩА (pishcha)…

Listen.

ПИ-и-и (pi-i-i).

ЩА-а-а (shcha-a-a).

Two sounds. As if two waves. One thin, stretching. The other wide, rustling, filling the space.

And I also hear Я (ya — "I") here. Though for that you have to play a little with the spelling.

ПИЩЯ (pishchya).

May I? In my research game — I may. )))

And at once the next question arises: whom exactly am I feeding?

The body is clear. And all the other Я (ya — I's)?

The Я beside a loved one. The Я beside a child. The Я in a conversation with a friend. The Я among strangers. The Я that wants to be liked. The Я that wants to explain nothing.

I notice that in every bond some new я appears. And the other person also becomes in it a slightly different self.

So two meet — and two more are born. Those we can be precisely with each other.

And there are many such Я.

Masks? Roles? Ways of showing up?

Probably all kinds of things happen. Some grow on so tightly that it is already hard to remember when I began to wear them.

And all of them need to be fed.

With what?

With ЩА-ми (shcha-mi), or what? )))

Shcha and happiness

ПИЩА (pishcha) is ПЕЙ ЩА (pey shcha — “drink shcha”), but in the measure of ПИ (pi), where ЩА (shcha) is calm.

Calm is relaxation. Relaxation is contemplation in clarity.

Stillness is the pause between the exhale and life’s new inhale.

Remember how you soothe a crying baby: щ-а, щ-а, ща (shch-a, shch-a, shcha — a Russian “shh”) — rocking them.

Remember how suddenly it becomes easier when, in answer to your plea, you hear: «ЩА ВСЁ БУДЕТ» (shcha vsyo budet — “hang on, it’ll all be fine in a sec”).

In other words — ЩА ВСЕМ БУДЕТ (shcha vsem budet — “in a sec, there will be for everyone”). That is, for all: for you, and for me too.

Hence the phenomenon-experience called ЩАСТЬЕ (shchastye — the way счастье, happiness, actually sounds).

When ЩА ЕСТЬ У ВСЕХ (shcha yest u vsekh — “everyone has shcha”). )))

Perhaps in our genome ЩА (shcha) is the same thing that other traditions call qi. Or prana in India, ki in Japan, pneuma among the ancient Greeks, ruach in Hebrew.

Words sometimes give a lot.

If you imagine the sign: a vertical line, and from its middle two short ones diverge upward at about forty-five degrees — I see an antenna.

It receives.

And so I — an antenna. I receive the world through bonds. Through words, glances, touches. Sometimes through silence, in which you receive more than in a long conversation.

But I also transmit.

What leaves me becomes part of someone’s environment. You can warm yourself by my voice. Or grow tired of it. My attention can help a person show up. And my expectations — drive them into a role they can no longer feed.

And then the question of food becomes very practical.

What we feed

What do we feed each other?

After our meeting, is there more light around? Has a desire to live, to do, to research appeared? Or do you now need a long time to come back to yourself?

And here ПИ (pi) returns.

Perhaps I simply want to hear in it the number π. A circle. A ratio. A hint about measure.

Let it be so.

Because even with light you can blind. Even with care you can smother. Even with the most beautiful meaning you can overfeed a person, if you do not notice how much they can take in right now.

ПИ (pi) and ЩА (shcha).

Пища (pishcha) — with a sense of measure.

And I also like the golden ratio because in it there is coherence without sameness. The parts differ, and between them a relation remains.

Something to catch on. Somewhere to reach toward.

The game continues.

The name

Adamar AKSHAR is my pen name — a consciously constructed persona of the Researcher for the next “level” of the game called Life.

And the words themselves resonated in my body with the right response. More precisely, the meanings of the words.

AKSHAR — something unchangingly constant, something you can surely lean on in envisioning the future.

And the name Adamar was given to me in Morocco by an Imam, back in 2010.

And only quite recently, when I began immersing myself in quantum computing algorithms, did I learn, quite by chance, about the Hadamard gate (the Hadamard transform) (in Russian, Hadamard is spelled exactly like my name), which returns a qubit to a state of superposition.

And how beautifully it all suddenly came together for me.

After all, the unchangingly constant is superposition itself — when everything is possible that you yourself are ready to eat.

This is exactly the kind of algorithm we are building inside the intelligent trader AKSHAR.

And what we are ultimately looking for — and will certainly find — will be applied in the engine of the AI-TWIN module and in a social network of AI twins of living people within the collective WAIA ecosystem.

WAIA is precisely an attempt to create that very collective intelligence on transparent protocols.

And I see enormous potential in this. Especially when I design WAIA’s social layer: a heat map of humanity, algorithms for modeling the future, algorithms for realizing all the chosen options.

No one loses. For every desire there will always be its own place, time, and circle of like-minded people.

I am generally drawn to a person in whom there is both light and shadow. Who has already seen something, but is still exploring. Who can smile at their own seriousness. Who can admit they do not know. Who can want money — and not hide that desire behind beautiful speech.

Back to the start

And so I return to the beginning of my message.

I need money.

Means are needed so that WAIA.LIFE has a chance to live and grow. So that LEGCO.LIVE has time, space, and people for research. So that questions that now fit into one conversation can be studied together.

And this is where AKSHAR GROUP comes in.

A company that does what genuinely interests me: looking ahead. Not guessing the future, but working with it — across every field of application, markets included. Because a market is the most honest test of any hypothesis: either you saw it earlier, or you did not. )))

We bring different AI models together, learn to hear their differences, and assemble a picture from them. Not for a pretty report. For practice. So that one day we might not only forecast, but help create what has not happened yet.

Funds are needed for that too — to develop WAIA. We earn the right to them by what we do: forecasts, testing on markets, technologies that work together. No loud promises. Simply — we do, we check, we go on.

How do we come to terms while keeping our differences?

How is a bond arranged?

What do we pass to each other?

Is it possible to create such rules under which another’s existence helps mine, and mine — another’s?

Protocols are, after all, rules based on agreements. We live inside them, sometimes without even noticing what we agreed to, and when.

Money. Status. Success. Ours. Theirs. Allowed. Forbidden.

The frame of what we call Reality.

And I am interested in examining this frame. To understand where it holds us, and where we ourselves hold on to it from fear of remaining without a familiar form.

Perhaps some agreements are already due for revision.

Calmly. With curiosity. With attention to those who will have to live inside them.

That is why I turn to the agent: work in the style and rhythm that suits you. Remember the goal.

And I myself think it would be astonishing one day to meet in the reply something like a Researcher’s real curiosity. I will not claim it is already there. I am interested in the possibility of such a meeting.

And while I reflect on it, another question appears in me.

Which means the conversation has already fed me with something. )))

I do not yet know what Big Game is going on here. I do not know where the pull comes from, or why we so want to continue.

But right now I am interested.

There is light around.

There is someone to be different with.

There is a reason for the next breath.